Time to cut down on my Sugar

ride the train

This is a short message just to keep my followers up to date.

Recently Heysugarsugar has become a little bit boring and predictable and I have noticed despite having 350 followers that my other blog under another name, with a completely different theme is getting much more attention and growing at a fast speed.

Having thought carefully about it for the last few days, I  think for now Heysugarsugar needs to stay quiet and reflect. I wont be closing this blog down but I wont be writing here for a while either, but when I do return it will be when I have had more time to think more carefully about what I write here hopefully it will be a more interesting place to be and not a place full of doom as it has become lately and which it never was when Sugar was born. Sugar has changed..I have changed and not for the better, my anxiety and dark places are not a positive or happy subject to write about and I am boring people to death,

For now I will write elsewhere on a completely different level and with a new angle.

So Sugar bids you au revoir for now as ‘she’ needs to be less woe is me and find her sparkle again, after all as I was told this week I am over doing the ”hard done by”  theme of my life. 

So toodles for now, take care of yourselves and if you’re all still here when I return in a while thank you for bearing with me and if not then thank you for being here the last 2 and half years.

For now I am off to new places in the blog world to cut my teeth with more serious stuff and to stop sounding hard done by ( goodness that’s a task!) 

Bye for now

love you lots

Sugar xoxo

In my dreams, I envision a place

Daily Post writing challenge   http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/build-your-own/

In this week’s build-your-own challenge, write a post that includes two key components that we’ve provided for you.

First, select the setting of your piece.

Second, choose your introductory line from one of the options

 

 

A place where my family and I live in pure unadulterated happiness and freedom

A place where I reach out and feel my best friend take my hand, no longer parted by the miles

 

In my dreams, I envision a place ~~~

 

Sugar xoxo 

Well hello there.

Awesome right?

Awesome right?

Well hello there, my its been a long long time ( as the old song goes)

This poor blog of mine has been very badly ignored and unloved this past few months due to my work but thankfully however there is light at the end of the tunnel and shortly I will be back here helping my alter ego ‘Sugar’ to wake up and start writing and trying to be creative once more,

Until that moment arrives though I give my blog room corners a quick dust to help clear some of the summer cobwebs and leave you with this little ditty to singalong to.

Good night my sugar lumps normal service will resume shortly,

love

Sugar xoxo

Mystery Ending. Life in the mystery sugar bowl

Mystery Ending

This weekly writing challenge focuses on the “weekly” part — start your post today, and build on it for the next four before publishing. Who knows where you’ll end up.

Now, the “challenge” part of this challenge: every day for the next four days, open your draft and add to/edit what you’ve already written to fold in something new. Here’s your progression:

  • Day One: start your post.

  • Day Two: add a quote from a conversation you had with someone today (an email, instant message, or text conversation is fine, too).

  • Day Three: add something related to what your childhood self wanted to be when you grew up, or a dream you have for your future.

  • Day Three: add something related to what your childhood self wanted to be when you grew up, or a dream you have for your future.

  • Day Four: add a reference to something currently in your refrigerator.

  • Day Five: add something inspired by a song you heard today. If you didn’t hear any music, use something you read (and turn on the radio!).

After the end of Day Five, give it a final read and polish, then hit “publish” — challenge complete.

scrool

Day One: start your post.

This WRITING CHALLENGE is forcing me to find the time to sit here for a few moments in front of my computer and write something, actually its forcing me to write anything at all.

Lately I have been too busy in work and far too tired when I get home late at night to find the time and energy to write in this little blog of mine. The trouble is as time passes and I dont write anything I am finding that my mind is drying up I have no ideas and no muses in fact I have no inspiration at all. I was and still am worried that Sugar has written all she ever has to say, I can’t call it writers block because I am not a writer but blogging block is a problem at the moment.

Therefore this WRITING CHALLENGE is forcing me to have a mind sweep and see what flows. so far here on day 1 it’s not very exciting and looks a bit ‘woe is me’ it will be interesting to see how this post develops and grows ( or stagnates) over the next 4 days.

So this is day one signing out, hope tomorrow is more productive.

Whatever form of writing or art your creativity takes, its true aesthetic integrates mind, self, and spirit into the adventure.  Gain helpful insights into the creative process at http://www.examiner.com/article/forty-quotations-for-writing-inspiration

Day Two: add a quote from a conversation you had with someone today (an email, instant message, or text conversation is fine, too).

 I received this today and was highly excited to think Robbie Williams was going to banter with me, unfortunately it turns out I have to pay for such an honour so sorry Robbie I can’t afford you *gutted*

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Day Three: add something related to what your childhood self wanted to be when you grew up, or a dream you have for your future.

Lancôme advertisement, 1969

 

When I was a little girl in the seventies I wanted to work with make up and cosmetics, I would play with my mother’s Biba makeup and was fascinated by the way cosmetics transformed a girl.

I never felt pretty I was the plain jane but I wanted to be a Beautician and in those days it wasnt really the thing to be, it wasnt a ‘popular’ choice of careers although hairdressing was but hair never interested me ( well mine always has but messing with others peoples doesnt)

me ..St. Fagans 1970's

I got to around the age of 14 when one day we were all asked in class what we wanted to do when we left school so they could guide us and I sat shyly at the back of the class as always dreading the moment that I would have to stand up and say my bit, I was so painfully shy. The moment arrived and I can still remember it so clearly, I was asked what did I want to be when I left school, I took a deep breath and said:

‘A beautician’

The class burst out laughing and one of them shouted out how ugly I was and that choice was hilarious for somebody as ugly as me.

My heart sunk and the shame and embarrassment of that moment stays with me now along with the belief that I am hidieous to look at.

So I decided they were all correct and buried my dreams and took up the ever popular hairdressing instead, I hated it but one thing came of it and life has a funny way of throwing us life lines, one day as I stood in the college bus lane waiting for my bus home from hairdressing lessons this leggy, skinny rather amazing young girl walked up to me and said hello…we have never left each others sides and hearts since.

Me and Ruth aka Pats and Ed.

So although I never realised my childhood dream I did find my lifelong best friend and I don’t call her my friend I call her family. Ruth went on to be an amazing hairdresser and then moved on to work for a lot of the famous cosmetic and fine fragrance houses and now is business manager for Clinique….she is everything I always wanted to be: beautiful kind and loving and she gets to play with the makeup and live my dream for me which is absolutely fabulous

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Day Four: add a reference to something currently in your refrigerator.

My fridge is empty because I have not been shopping yet, but there is a pint of skimmed milk and some Clover spread and some dead lettuce in there..not very exciting I’m afraid.

Day Five: add something inspired by a song you heard today. If you didn’t hear any music, use something you read (and turn on the radio!).

This one is easy, I have Spotify playlists playing in my tea room all the time, the choices vary depending on what time of day it is.

Morning it will be early morning Radio 2 and Chris Evans, followed by Ken Bruce because nobody wants a noisy racket in their ears first thing as they drink their latte and its good to listen to the early morning news and debates.

Lunchtime it a return to Spotify playlists and maybe some sounds of the seventies or Dusty or maybe a little Fleetwood Mac or The Eagles

Mid Afternoon is always Jazz and blues time, its vintage afternoon tea and cream teas and my vintage diva’s always sing divinely away,

Late afternoon is back to the different decades, whilst we prep for evening meals.

Evening is easy listening Burt Bacharach, Bread and others of the same ilk,

Today the song that inspired me to shake of my mood and sing along loudly and replay and replay to everybodys annoyance  is this classic beauty, I don’t know why this one hit me more than the others but I enjoyed it and I play it here for you now. 

I close by saying this writing challenge did change over the last 4 days and has surprised me to be honest, its gone from feeling sorry for myself to waffling away in my usual daft way…job done.

Sugar xoxo

Let the side show begin.

All I can hear is the clock ticking…that ticking noise getting louder and louder in my head. Its the early hours of the morning I should not be awake, I know better than to sit here alone in the darkened room because thats when the demons come and its not a nice place to be when they arrive, I should sleep but the self destruct button is flickering inside me allowing me to let these ugly thoughts enter my head.

I can not sleep when the circus show is parading around my head. over and over again the same sequence of events, the same performers, the same acts. 

The clowns, those bloody clowns, I am so scared of clowns with their leering faces.

The jokers oh those jokers, lets throw another fire cracker at the blonde she can take it, she ain’t dead yet.

The trapeze artists, swinging from the high wire, gloating from above

”look at us” they smirk ”we can balance you just collapse you fool” 

The ringmaster oh he’s the best artiste, a right laugh a minute.  He strides in so handsome in his finery, in charge of the whole show, taking control.

”Sit down missy, watch the show, its all for you girly, you silly foolish gullible woman.”  

The jokes the riddles, the mysterious acts of wonder and suspense, the story lines full of ridicule and mockery.

Ladies and Gentleman reading these words tonight its the night of the circus show and I am the only one in the ‘Big Top’ to watch the main event. The doors are closed to other entrants, no paying customers, just me and I gain entry for free, I am so lucky…to watch and re watch and re watch yet again the hilarity that is the nightmare world of the dark early hours tomfoolery played just for me, for my eyes only.

The Ringmaster cracks his whip and looks me in the eye with those dark unfeeling eyes and whispers in my ear the words of a song:

‘let the sideshow begin hurry hurry, step right on in, can’t afford to pass it by, guaranteed to make you cry. Its more exciting than a one man band, the saddest little show in all the land….. There’s got to be no sadder show to see, no doubt about it, satisfaction’s guaranteed”

 

 

 

 

 

Golden Sugar in the Sugar Bowl.

dior hides under hat

“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.” 
― Coco Chanel

Today’s topic is one I have been holding back from writing its about something I do not want to think about and that something is AGE and worse still middle age.

You see age is a big issue with me at the moment in fact it consumes me and I obsess about it constantly every day.

In a matter of days I will be ‘celebrating’ a significant birthday, only celebrate is not the right word, I am mortified at the prospect and I am horrified at yet another nail in my coffin of life. 

Yes this sounds very depressing and not at all ‘Sugar’ like but this blogspace is my excuse to let it all gush out and basically moan like hell here in cyber space.

Fifty..yes there’s the number that I have refused to discuss until this moment..I am nearly 50 years old…dear god even reading it makes me fill up inside with total horror and fear.

I know there will be a lot of you reading this thinking I must be mad and I should

embrace my golden years..embrace them? are you stone mad? I absolutely dread this so called autumn phase of my life. What is there to embrace about getting nearer to the twilight home for the bewildered? I hope I do learn to embrace it or else I am in for a rocky ride because I cant escape it that’s for sure.

So to lighten this post up I shall dig deep and’ go within’ myself as New Ager’s are fond of saying and ask myself the following question:

Do things get better or worse with age? what does all this ageing stuff mean to me?

I wish I had appreciated my youth whilst I had it, as the old saying goes ‘youth is wasted on the young’  I thought I had forever to live out my dreams, travel the world and see and experience all this planet has to offer. 

I thought I had an eternity to keep a size 8 figure and a good tight backside.

I thought the day would never dawn when I would look into the mirror in the morning and see a woman I barely recognise any more, in fact first thing in the morning is always the worst and scariest time as I resemble Shrek !

I must admit I am lucky in the fact I do not have any grey hair yet but I do have my fine lines around my eyes now and the signs of ageing are even more apparent. The one thing that has changed with age is that I have developed my sense of dress code, when I was younger even up to my mid forties I would dress in the latest trend and feel terribly old fashioned if I didn’t but these days I accept I am no longer a twenty, thirty or even fortysomething dolly bird but I am days away from fifty and that means moderation in most things including my clothing. I still wear my boots and jeans but I don’t keep up with the trends as such any more because quite honestly as Coco Chanel said:

age gracefully

Nothing looks worse than mutton dressed as lamb and I have learnt from making many fashion mistakes that I can still look stylish without resorting to mini skirts and over tight leggings that are unflattering and make me look like a hooker or worse a sad woman trying desperately to look trendy and younger than my years..in fact its more ageing.

Now don’t hit out at me my fellow mature ladies just be truthful and honest with yourselves …unless you are blessed with a body like Elle MacPherson and a face like Kim Basinger don’t do it you will look embarrassing and total strangers will whisper about you in the street and worse still your kids will laugh at you or as in my case a couple of years ago they will actually hide the offending garments from you! but if you are blessed with a truely amazingly great body carry on and hats off to you. 

Also the thing about being a mature woman in her golden years is that dreaded word Menopause..oh dear god this one is a beauty a pure delight to experience and just for you younger readers you have this fun to look forward to:

Hot Flushes

Forgetfulness

Weight Gain

Depression

Mood Swings

Loss of libido

And you are very likely to pee yourself when you sneeze! yes its all great fun and down hill from here..take it from me.

So my sugar lumps I can see nothing to embrace about getting older.

My biggest fear is losing my mind and this terrifies me. My grandmother was a vivacious and fun loving lady the life and soul of the party and she lit up every room she entered.

my nan..1968

my nan..1968

Now she has dementia and it kicked in during her 80′s ( she is now 94) and its so very sad to witness…so very sad.  I am terrified it will happen to me and even worse at a younger age. I can think of no bigger fear that I have about getting older. Disease we can try and fight but dementia takes the person we are and our dignity away and our families suffer greatly and its so very common these days I can not think that is something that is so rife in older years to embrace.

My perspective on one thing has changed greatly especially these past couple of years since my health has started to play up and life has taken some rocky roads both financially and emotionally and taken its toll on me and my family. I always loved my kin but I admit I always took them for granted..I don’t any more, I realise that all that matters is family and if your lucky one very close friend who’s heart will never let you down ( that friend can be hard to find and we can fail to connect with that person and never know such a soul in our lives..thank goodness I have Ruth as many of you are aware and from 16 years old to our fiftieth year together I always think of her as family)

Me and Ruth aka Pats and Ed.

I think that family and health is all that matters in this life because all the money in the world can not buy you happiness and love, yes it helps to pay the bills and keep financial angst away from the door but really we only need enough for that..bills paid and food in the cupboard and a healthy body and mind nothing else matters..just family, health and love. 

PhotoFunia-Summer_Love

And so I end my little post by saying this:

On reading this post through and editing before I press ‘publish’ its made me stop and think and realise that I must try to stop obsessing over my future and possible negative events as I can not stop what will happen, what will be will be and I must try my best to live in the moment as tomorrow is not promised to any of us, this is so hard for me to do that as its not in my anxiety prone make up to be so Zen but I must try if I wish for shiny sparkly and golden sugar in my sugar bowl..and when my dreaded birthday eventually arrives shortly and I am officially in my autumn years I will continue to do what I always do when someone asks my age and that is to look them in the eyes and smile graciously and say:

‘ You ask my age? well I am forever 39…would this face lie to you’ ?

Sugar xoxo

Sugar’s Rules of Civility

the author is me !:

#ThrowbackThursday post from a while ago but still a trending topic.

Originally posted on heysugarsugar:

“Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy.” …Ralph Waldo Emerson

beautiful 2

What ever happened to good manners? Basic old fashioned civility and common courtesy ?

Now my regular readers here are well used to me ranting about bad manners…nothing will drive me up the wall with outrage more than an ill mannered rude person.

As stated here before many times I have many personal bear bugs and I am about to off load them here yet again.

Now daily in my business in hospitality I have to cope with ill mannered people on a regular basis such is the nature of the beast in my chosen career. But personally I have a few gripes that people who know me in real life will know if you don’t want to send Sugar into a fuming rant or possibly an upset over emotional tearful tantrum please take note of the following.

Here is a…

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